I woke up in a funk.
I’m sleep deprived and hormonal, everything feels like too much. I keep telling myself- I can’t hold all of this.
An hour later I’m crying to my partner and I say it again, I can’t carry all of this!
Then as I’m putting my daughter down for her first nap, finally calm with an angel in my arms, I ask myself- what exactly is it that you can’t hold?
The answer comes in gently but crystal clear; you can’t hold all of your stories anymore, the unhealthy patterns… they are quite literally exhausting you!
I pause for a moment in awe, that’s honestly not what I expected to hear. I understand it though. We all have functional addictions. Playing the same stories on repeat, living in habitual loops of suffering, judgement, fear and disconnection that never seem to end. These quiet addictions hide well (or not) when we are coasting through life on autopilot. But they tend to get louder when we are under stress or in discomfort, and though that can mean danger, it can also mean freedom if we choose to lean in and then work to let them go.
So I made a choice in that moment to accept the invitation and to drop the stories. Even if just for today. Sure, I still need more sleep. But do I have to be victimized by the old patterns and storylines that arise when I’m feeling depleted? Nope. No need to add unnecessary suffering into the equation.
In any moment, with awareness, you can choose to not be who you’ve always been or respond how you always do. You can drop the endless and repetitive stories, and maybe even your personality. You can take a deep exhale, and breathe in a new moment.
A new moment of peace, of clarity and of higher perspectives that open the doorway to freedom.
♥️ Alix
