I had this situation in my life that happened to me more than 20 years ago. I thought I had forgiven all involved, myself included, and moved on. However while in ‘The 40 Days in the Desert’ program with Nina these past weeks it rose up again as if it had just happened yesterday.
It kept bothering me so on this particular morning, a few days ago, as it was very present in my mind; I sat up in bed and was reflecting about it. I started to pray to the Mother Father God, Christ Jesus; I called together my Ancestors, Spirit Guides, the Arch Angels and Light beings of the Celestial Courts. All the Celestial light beings I could think of.
I called them all together and speaking aloud, I said, “I have a story to tell you. I’m sure you All know about it already but I just want to tell you again because this is really bothering me and I would like to know if there is some deeper lesson, because you All are my Family and Friends and you should tell me now. I want to know.”
The story goes like this:
Speaking aloud I began: I was in the south of Germany in a small town where I previously lived before moving to the north of Germany. On this particular day I had a train to catch as I was traveling back to my hometown in the north of Germany. I had my ovation guitar with me. On my way to the train station, I had a couple of hours before catching the train; I spotted this guitar shop that had Ovation guitars in the windows and inside.
I said “Oh good, I have some spare time I’ll just pop in and see if they can adjust the neck of my guitar”.
They said they could do it. It would take about half an hour and that if I had something else to do in the meantime then I could do that and come back and pick up my guitar in about half an hour. I said “Sure, that will work”.
Now hear – my ovation was one of the first ovations made and was given as a gift to me, my first guitar for my 16th birthday from a dear family friend.
Upon returning an hour later, in a hurry as I was, they informed me that they had misplaced the original plate carrying the serial number to my guitar. They had replaced my guitar with some random plate and if that was okay?
I was in such a hurry and being unaware of what was happening I said, “It’s okay, I have to hurry I have a train to catch,” and I left the shop.
Now it wasn’t until a few weeks later that I pulled out my guitar, and glanced at the plate they had replaced for the original one that it dawned on me. I started to ask myself all kinds of questions as to what had really happened? In a rush all kinds of things filled me.
Had a trick been played? I tried to talk myself out of believing this but in my heart I knew exactly what had happened. I was caught off guard. Use your imagination.
I was hurt, angry and heartbroken realizing that my original guitar Plate was gone forever. But most of all I was angry with myself for not being aware, for not recognizing. Now there was no way to prove the value of my guitar. Without the serial number it had no value whatsoever I told myself. I had no way to prove that it was one of the first ovations made. I couldn’t forgive myself for what had happened.
I was so annoyed at myself that I had even stopped at that shop.
There was so much remorse, so much regret. And I felt just downright stupid.
This bothered me greatly, so much so that I couldn’t even bring myself to play the guitar for some while after.
Crazy eh!!! Yeah, Well now you know, I said.
I finished my story and waited in silence.
Then a small voice opened within me and said “but Mary don’t you see? What is your opinion of yourself? Why do you judge and measure yourself by the value of your guitar? Have you gone completely kuku?
You are so much more valuable than that guitar. You are so much more worthy.”
Now just think about it this way. What if you were to die in the next minute without recognizing who you truly are and in the process of your dying when you had no more time left, you recognized your true identity; who you truly are. What if you had squandered your time here on earth? What if you had no more time left?
To realize that you have wasted your time and have not recognized your own self worth and value. To not have realized that you are not separate from God, there would be a weeping and gnashing of teeth to know that you had not used your time wisely, that you are not using this time that we have now wisely to remember who you truly are.
This is the Greater affliction, the Greater grief, the Greatest Regret.
Stop wasting your time and let this thing go now. It does not serve you. Let this be a lesson.
With so much Gratitude and Adoration I wept silently as I forgave myself and surrendered it all in the Loving Arms of the Almighty Mother Father God, Thankful and Graced for this heartfelt Teaching.
Let us not waste time anymore and align us today, now and in every minute and second with the most Holy Will and Love of the Mother Father God. Thank You. Aho, Amen