I resisted it at first, I’ll admit it. The whole virus thing. I have a deep seeded mistrust of the media and usually I pay no attention to it. Usually when the media starts making a big deal about something, I assume that it is not what it seems, and look the other direction. So I pretty much kept living my life as usual as the quarantine set in (and I judged anyone who I considered to be over reacting). But I also got to see a few things about myself as the story kept unfolding. It’s pretty easy to see a few things just by reading this first paragraph.
First of all I got to see how skeptical I am. Which is not good or bad; just seeing it for what it is and noticing that I am often unwilling to trust new things and new people. It takes me a while to decide that something or someone is safe and open up. If everyone is going in one direction and believing a certain thing, I tend to go the opposite way, being critical and mistrustful. A lot of times I do this just to be different. I like to be different, cause I think it’s cool, even if it results in being alone. This skepticism can be healthy; seeing a different perspective and not just following the norm. It can also be to my detriment when it leads to being alone and brooding. Thinking I’m right and everyone else is wrong, or just trying to be different and cool in order to shape a fake identity.
I also saw how I don’t like it when people react with fear and outwardly show it. Thus I also don’t accept this behavior in myself. I think to myself “I wish everyone would just calm down and stop freaking out,” and I also don’t let myself ‘freak out’ or show emotion. I have agreed that I have to be cool and calm all the time and not show emotion, or else I’m not cool and no one will like me. This is a way that I modify my behavior in an attempt to fit a certain image that I deem most loveable. Cool to see!
Of course it is okay for others and myself to show emotions and react as they naturally do. This has been part of the lesson that has come through this situation. That really it feels best to just let go and allow others to be and act as they will, without judging them or trying to correct them. Perhaps I can allow myself to react the way I naturally do as well? Without judging or trying to modify myself. Yes, this sounds good.
Looking at this pattern from a more positive angle, I aspire to be someone who is calm and centered in all situations, and that is a fine thing to aspire to be. This aspiration is part of the reason why I attempt to modify my natural reactions: because I want to be that. But also it’s good to respect the journey, and be where I’m at now, not pretending to be at the destination when I am still on the way.
So as the story continued to progress and the virus concern intensified, I ultimately realized that it doesn’t matter what is actually going on in the world. Maybe the media is playing the masses with some diabolical scheme, maybe this virus is not such a big deal after all, maybe it’s worse than we think! In the end it doesn’t really matter. I don’t know what is actually happening, but I do feel that this is a powerful Earth-wide initiation that I want to honor and get the most out of by slowing down, and being as present and centered in the truth as I am able. I don’t want to hang on to an old dream because of my skepticism. I’m along for the ride! Let’s quarantine!
-Anthony Asher
