This unprecedented pandemic has offered me many challenges and many gifts, and I have found myself curious about which offers I take. One of the greatest gifts this time of stillness has offered me is the gift of awareness, and I have found how I receive this gift to be rich in lessons. 

When I am flirting with the lower vibration of my humanness, I can easily fall into complacency. It is one of my patterns, and complacency keeps me very, very small. I have come to believe that complacency is like a cancer that lays just beneath the surface, perhaps not visible, but spreading like wildfire invading adjacent cells, destroying vital tissues, and ultimately becoming deadly. Complacency brings with it apathy and allows the illusion of separation to creep in with all of the suffering it brings. Awareness that comes when I am in this place is often painful and emotional, and because of this, often thwarted in the process.

When I reside in my highest vibration, perceiving all of life from the highest perspective, awareness is the organic byproduct. I have watched myself go through many phases in the past four months, some beautiful and some not so pretty, but it is in this watching or observing of myself that I have found the most precious pearls. When I can lovingly stalk myself from this celestial observation deck, I can really “see” myself and my reactions without judgment, and that is the key. This celestial vantage point allows me to see and acknowledge my interactions and reactions with love and a sense of humor instead of judgment and shame because as soon as I enter into judgment I immediately lose my ability to see myself from this higher point of view and I fall into the story that birthed the pattern in the first place.

I have the opportunity for awareness from each point of view, my highest self and the lower vibration of my humanness, and judgment is often the difference. As soon I begin to judge myself, everything changes and that judgment comes from believing the lie that “I am not,” and you can fill in the blank. I am not enough. I am not lovable. I am not worthy. I am not. True awareness happens when I can unplug from all of the conditioning and lies that have informed me of who I think I am, that “I am not,” and plug into the Divine source of my original beingness experiencing the sanctity of the I AM presence.

There is such focus at this time on illness and the importance of staying physically healthy and fit, but I see that right now it is equally important, perhaps even more important, to stay spiritually fit. The collective fear on the planet is so great at this time, and this fear comes from the collective” I am not.” Because at some point in my upbringing I too made this agreement that “I am not,” I can get easily hooked by the collective fear if I am not vigilant in my commitment to awareness and the Truth. This requires spiritual fitness. Staying strong in my knowing and remaining firm in my faith, trusting that this spiritual armor is protecting far more than just my physical vessel, is my most worthy investment.

Awareness is not an answer but another offer, an offer to do something different, to shift my energy just like that. What action I take is the difference between perceiving awareness from that celestial observation deck or from the lower vibration of my humanness. If I am stuck in the lie of “I am not,” and I become aware that I have said something hurtful to someone, there is a good chance I may become reactive and self-critical, sometimes becoming immersed in remorse and suffering. Conversely, if I receive the same awareness and can perceive my actions from the highest point of view, I can act with self-compassion, take responsibility, make amends, change my behavior, and move forward without a hitch, without self-recrimination, and without suffering. I can use the opportunity awareness offers to grow and expand my love and the I AM presence instead of reinforcing the lie that “I am not.”

At the end of the day, everything is a reflection and an opportunity that is filtered through the conditioning of my upbringing unless I camp out on that celestial observation deck and stay plugged into the Truth. For me, this involves action and my attention because complacency is just as patient as vigilance, and as we hear in the teachings, ‘Where you put your attention life grows’. My prayer is that I continue to put my attention on the Truth.


In love & light,

Sari Fleischer