Up until recently I have felt very separate from God, you could even say abandoned really. It is almost as if I have been holding onto resentment for all of the perceived negative instances that I experienced throughout my life. Beginning with my parents getting divorced at a young age, to being broken up with in different relationships, and all of the normalities we experience as humans, and yet we think we are the only ones.
In hindsight revelation, I understand that every single event that has happened in my life has been a direct pathway to lead me to exactly where I am now. I had to go through certain initiations so that I could recognize the true blessing and the gift I was being given, to become the woman I am today and to reaffirm my faith in Life. For a long time, I held anger inside of my being, and directed it at family, friends, partners, and made excuses for my behavior playing the role of the victim, unaware to what I was really doing.
Now I take full responsibility for my actions, my happiness, and I put my life back in God’s hands, where it has always been, but my ego, my small self, thought I was in control this whole time, and I bit the apple of temptation of the belief that I am separate from God and it caused me a lot of suffering along the way. This is truly the root of all disharmony in my life; I have been yearning for this love that has never left me, I left it.
I find God in the shining of the sunlight in-between the cracks of the trees, in the quietude of nature on a warm day, in the breeze blowing on my skin, and in the stillness by the water when I am in a receptive state, open to the idea of letting this love pour through me. In those moments when I allow myself to be filled up with the grace of God I am satiated in a state of gratitude and bliss for everything that has happened to me in my life and I can truly see.
I started a new morning practice where I connect to my presence, and feel my spirit pulsing through my body, vibrating like a warm energy that sits on my chest. I remember to do this as often as possible throughout the day, especially when I notice myself moving too fast or getting caught in an emotional loop. Coming back to this presence over and over has started to build a new connection to Spirit. The more I put my attention here, I believe that no matter what happens, I will be safe in the arms of the Divine who has always been right here.