I recently experienced an unexpected loss. It was sudden, and shocking, and a
beautiful gift. It had been some time since I had experienced such a powerful loss
and this passage was quite different. In the past, great losses or challenges often
thrust me in a vortex of suffering where I would become so attached to the story
that I often needed something or someone to pull me out. But this was different.
When this loss came it was like a shock to my heart that created a crack. A
shattering of an exterior shell around my heart that fell away revealing the raw
organ underneath. I was able to allow the authentic grief and accompanying
emotion to flow through me without gripping onto it. I am in a place where I could
embrace the pain of that loss and appreciate it as a reflection of the depth of my
love, and I was able to laugh at joyous memories while crying tears of purification.

I was able to allow the love from others to flow through me, but most importantly I
was able to allow my own love to flow through me. This cracking of my heart
opened up a crevice that had been hardened a long time ago. A place of self-
judgement and self-rejection that had been sealed off creating sickness in my body.
This cracking allowed this crevice to open up and whoa was it painful and foreign
for a moment! But I was able to go deep within, in the place where I can commune
with Creator and the Mother, and come to my own rescue with love and patience
and compassion and allow the love to flow through this tender and newly opened
heart of mine.

This opening of the flood gates of love flushed out the old debris that had collected
in my heart. It was painful, just like using a leg coming out of a cast is painful,
and in some ways healing a newly expanded heart is like rehabbing a broken limb.
When a limb comes out of a hard cast it is stiff, uncomfortable and awkward. The
best way to rehab the limb is to exercise it. For myself, the best prescription for
my newly expanded heart is to exercise pure love focused inward. Pure, pristine
love so stunningly shown to me by the Mother.

This loss brought me such reflection about where I am at in my journey. This loss
brought me home to myself, and this loss brought me a return to love. I am deeply
humbled and infinitely grateful.

Sari Fleischer